Monday, April 14, 2014

Lesson Fourteen: I am nothing more.

I've been struggling, as of late. Where do I belong? Will I forever be a well-loved Cinderella before the bibbity-boppity? Am I anything more than "just a mom"? As I hold my sidekick while I write this, I can say, no. I am nothing more. But it's not a negative. His smile, his happiness, his stories, his imagination, the things we learn together every day. Why would I want more? Going to street markets, stopping for gelato, exploring Italy, sitting at home and blowing bubbles into the sunset. These are all things that I get to enjoy with my sidekick. I'd be lost without him! To see him growing into a smarter, happier, funnier, silly, little boy has been an experience that I can never replace. Memories that will always make me smile. Why would I want to be anywhere else?

For a while, {and I still have days where I struggle} I didn't know how to be anything BUT a mom. It's not something you can just turn off. It isn't just a change of outfit. It was hard to be a wife and to be a friend. My world was consumed by baby, schedules, cleaning, sleeping, and repeat. After that, I had no energy for anyone. I spent my days entertaining this little person to the fullest and at the end of it all, when my husband needed me, I had no more energy to spare. Like I said, it was a struggle. Luckily, I have an amazing husband, who helped me find the balance in our lives. It was hard work to let some things go {LET IT GO! LET IT GO! so sorry...I couldn't resist}. To realize, in order to do it all, I had to not do it all at once.

I've found a good balance, as of today. I can explore and learn with my sidekick during the day, make dinner and spend time with my husband in the evenings without falling asleep at the table. Maybe I've just adjusted to my life of no sleep. Haha! It's still a struggle to get dressed some days and to do my hair. To take a little "me time" when I can get it. I am learning all of my roles in this life and still learning me, as well.

Right now though, I belong here. With my little boy cuddled on my lap, cartoons on in the background, laundry going, dishes waiting, artwork drying. I guess I just needed to put my struggles out into the world to realize what was underneath them. The happiness and the love for where I am in the world.
Funny, once you work through the troubles, they seem so petty. But they took up so much of your thinking, so much of your time. For what? Well, on to tackle bigger things now. Like lunch. That's important.

I am nothing more. And I've never been happier.

Talk to you soon,

No comments:

Post a Comment