It takes three things to make it in this business: the tenacity of a bulldog, the hide of a rhinoceros and a good home to come home to.
Quoted in "The Advocate", 2 Feb 1999
I've been struggling this week trying to find the balance between mother and wife. There are things people never tell you about motherhood. I'm sure they have their reasons; embarrassment, anxiety, pride, or maybe they've forgotten. That's okay. Some lessons are ours to discover and ours to learn. I'm still learning. The sidekick and I learn new things daily. I'm still learning how to "date my husband". They are my greatest joys in life and my true, reliable sources for happiness.
Sometimes though, it's hard to find the balance between them. Especially in these first years of motherhood. My struggle is to "turn off" being a mother and totally invest some time into my husband. Being a stay-at-home-mom, I am totally invested in the world of my sidekick. He gets all my attention, all day long. He doesn't understand the need for a moment's time between Mommy and Daddy. It's all about the baby, all the time. So, it becomes an internal struggle for me to learn when to set my child's wants/needs aside for a moment and see to my husband's wants/needs.
One way we solve this, is we invest in a date night. It is usually only once a month because of our busy schedules and other obligations but we make it work. We have the most wonderful Italian neighbors who adore our child. Leaving him with them is like leaving him with family. When he's with them, I can fully focus on my husband. He deserves it more than once a month, for sure. He's an amazing man. So, another thing I do to try and show my love is, I leave him little notes in his lunch or I'll text him during the day just to let him know I'm thinking of him. It may not be much but to let him know he's being thought of, is a pretty good start.
My sidekick takes up a lot of space in my head. I'm constantly trying to think of ways to teach him something new, places to go, things to practice with him, the list goes on. Hence the fullness of my brain. It's hard to let those thoughts go when you're so invested in something. Being his mom is the best job in the world. But again, it's a total investment of energy and time. Even when he's sleeping, I'm still thinking of him and things I can do for him.
As the sidekick, slowly, becomes more independent it becomes easier to let my husband's needs take up space alongside the rest of the thoughts in my head. I am continuing to learn how to devote time and energy to my husband to ensure that he feels my love and appreciation.
I guess, my main point is, it's okay to struggle. You will find your own balance in your life between mother and wife and the other job positions you hold. I have found comfort in expressing my struggles to my best friend and even to my husband. He's been very understanding and even found ways to help us stay connected as well. Like I said, he's pretty amazing. I will continue to learn to balance the loves in my life and make sure that our home is full of love for everyone. I hope you do too.